Tuesday Morning Rantings and Ravings by Ki

Tuesday Morning Rantings and Ravings by Ki
Monday was Presidents' Day, which meant the kids were out of school, and I had to work from home. It wasn't a very productive day. Between breaking up fights over who gets to eat applesauce or fruit cocktail with their lunch, television breaks, and just really wanting to take a nap, I didn't get much done. Ssssh...don't tell.

It was during one of my television breaks that I caught an old episode of My Two Cents on BET - J. This episode featured Felicia "Snoop" Pearson from The Wire and they also had a discussion on women and strength. Since its an African - American show the discussion primarily focused on how strong black women are perceived as "bitches". There was a clear division among the panel. Some felt that women should submit to the husband's or mates in situations where they held control and others thought that it was insane for a woman to give up any of her power in the relationship. The word submission really kicked the discussion into high gear. My mind went back to Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married. There were two characters who suffered from a similar ailment. Diane and Angela, played by Sharon Leal and Tasha Smith. Diane was focused on her career, and it held primary importance in her life. She put her career, clients, and dealings before her marriage and child. While Angela was very domineering and attempted to have control over her husband and marriage because she was the provider. Now out of the two I believe that Tasha Smith's character Angela is how most black women are often stereotyped, loud, full of attitude, and beyond reason. However, at this stage in my life I know more Diane's than Angela's.

Now submission is a difficult concept for the modern woman to accept. Merriam -Webster defines submission as:

To yield oneself to the authority or will of another :SURRENDER

In our minds by surrendering we are giving up our control in situations in our life. That's hard for me to swallow. I've been single for a long time now. I've gotten use to doing things the way I want them done. I was raised by both my mother and grandmother to have my own. Separate money. Separate goals. Never lose my own identity in my relationship. It didn't work in the past. I got so caught up in being in love and letting my man be a man that I sold my soul out to the devil. Often waking up after months and even years had passed like, what in hades was I thinking.

That's not me anymore. After years on my own, being the sole provider for my household. I grown very accustomed to making ends meet on my own and not looking to a man for assistance, completion, or reassurance. This worries me at times. I fear that when the time comes and its time for me to marry and settle down with the one, that I won't know how or even want to fall in line with Ephesians 4:22-24. Men often complain about an outspoken woman who will not allow him to be a man but in the same breath they will state that they don't want a woman who will lay down and allow him to walk all over her. Its a tightrope act, trying to be the woman that a man wants in this day and age.

At times I feel that women are taken for granted. We're viewed as these helpless creatures in need of a man for protection and support but fully capable of managing a home on our own. Raising children, working to add to the household income, and filling the role of public relations director for the family. Yet, when we walk in that control and exude a little too much confidence, we have crossed the line in to the bitch territory. So what is it that men really want? What do they need from the women in their lives?